copied from Galvanized
Teens and MySpace.com — Is it a good combination? I happen to think that it is. I’m going to tell you why.
Imagine that you, a parent, schedule every teen who wants to be friends with your child for a blind interview. In that interview, you are behind a two-way mirror. Welcome to MySpace 101. This is the best way to get acquainted with your teen’s friends as they are. Every person on your child’s Friends List has a profile and content by which you can get to know her. Just keep one thing in mind while you read — you must not be judgmental.
Teens are young adults-in-progress. You may see pics on their sites that are not altogether wholesome. You may see some suggestive comments and vulgar language. You may see things on other teens’ MySpace sites that even make you cringe; as a matter of fact, you most certainly will. Just remember to postpone your reactions and allow your teen to form her own opinions about what she sees. As you look over her shoulder from time to time, and her eyes roll, just ask her, “So what do you think about that?” or “Pretty cool, huh.” Just keep in mind that your job is merely to monitor your own teen’s MySpace site. In (eh, forcibly) sharing “the MySpace experience” with you, she is laying wide open her friends and acquaintances for your perusal, not your ridicule.
And keep in mind that this openess is strictly between your teen and you…and what you discuss goes no further. The loss of coolness due to a parent’s big mouth is killer in these cases. As a byproduct, this can even foster some trust along the way.
One thing that I have noticed that has been a pleasant surprise is that, for the most part, most of the kids on my teen’s Friends List are fairly responsible in what they post and even maintain a good amount of propriety. A couple of them — actually, teenaged boys — have posted thoughtful and appreciable blogs with lovely original poetry and their thoughts on life, relationships, disappointments, God, and what they consider blessings. It’s admirable, to me, to see teens posing questions to one another and offering insight as they discover it. A lot more exceptional teens are hanging out with my child than I would have thought before reading their sites. In their sites, I see great potential for becoming professional musicians, writers, photographers, web designers and future marketing professionals, models, and, yes, even intellectuals. Who knew kids could be so cerebral? (I didn’t know any when I was in school…but, then again, we didn’t have MySpace where we could express ourselves from behind a screen, with some degree of anonymity.)
And let’s be realistic here – there are also the partygoers and the superficial brats. But, again, remember that you would not have wanted to be judged as an adult when you were, say, 16 years old. I know that I wouldn’t have. These are young people still discovering who they are, what they believe in, and where they are headed. Your job, as a parent, is to make sure that you, in a sense, keep a hand on your teen’s shoulder as she navigates through this new territory that is Unbridled (well, kind of) Adolescence in All Its Glory.
Now, I realize that many of my teen’s friends would cringe if they knew what I know about them. They wouldn’t understand that I respect them. And while I admit that a few of their sites are pretty raunchy (this week), I’m not running to their parents with that information, and I’m not cutting them out of my child’s life for being, well, pre-adults. Let’s just consider MySpace a kind of rumspringa for the general teen population. While I know that my child is going to venture out a bit before she leaves for college, I want her to understand that she hasn’t yet left, and that I am still a part of her life. For now, while she uses MySpace, I’m still a small influence, be it invisible now, of her teenaged social life.
Also keep in mind that most parents, obviously, do not check their kids’ sites. This blows me away. I know this because, if they took just a glance, they would surely insist that certain content be immediately taken off. I don’t know if this is due to plain ignorance, or a lack of interest, or a shortage of time. Worse, what disturbs me is that some parents may (erroneously) be allowing their kids on this Internet playground without supervision. No, actually, it’s more that Information Superhighway that we kept hearing was being built, and we’ve got to belt them in. Just because a child is in what appears to be an adult body does not excuse you as the parent from being…well…still the parent. To allow your teen to go it alone or, God forbid, hand-in-hand with other teens to explore the great unknown that is their published websites is just negligent. Save the stepping back for Facebook when they leave for college because, regrettably, the exposure to keggers and experimentation are inevitable..though your child will, hopefully, sidestep them. (That’s where prayer comes in.) But until college, my teen is living at home and, therefore, will remain an open book to her dad and me, at least with respect to her MySpace and email.
Let’s be fair, though, and listen to some of the cons, shall we?:
It’s a huge waste of time and distracting from school and academia. (Then limit the time allowed.)
It’s a playground for predators. (Not if the profile is kept set on “private” and parents check in.)
It’s a way for kids to “hook up” and spread news of parties. (Again, be present. Once your child knows that you know, the chain of communication is kind of broken or at least potholed, isn’t it.)
It’s a site for kids to publish inappropriate content and photos. (Not your child, if you check daily. Also, your child knowing that you see her friends’ sites just might cause her to suggest to her friend to take it down.)
The pros farrrrr outnumber the cons for MySpace. It:
Gives kids an outlet to vent to peers and to see that they are normal and their struggles common.
Allows for networking and making new friends.
Is a great equalizer for those who are “geekier” and have skills that are otherwise not as apparent, and can even allow them to be accepted and offer help when needed.
Is a tool for frequent validation and building self-esteem.
Is a creative outlet for writing and self-expression. (Teachers should be taking full advantage of this and being creative in using MySpace to reach kids).
Is a terrific learning tool for web design and web presence.
Is a site that allows kids to share art, be it through music and lyrics, poetry, photos, or video.
Is a way for a teen to put a “spin” on his image, or create one based on how he would like to be perceived.
Is a chance to interact with different cliques where school may not present an opportunity.
Is a catch-all for teens contacting each other and keeping in close touch (through comments, instant messaging, or email).
I am sure that I could think of many more…but I am getting tired and feel that I have pontificated enough.
But the best argument for teens on MySpace is that it’s like a ready resume for parents to screen and “interview” your kid’s friends. And if the parent is interested and lets her child know that her life is worthy of attention, it can even promote closeness and confidences, and much-needed conversations between parent and child that would otherwise just not come up, such as: what is/is not normal, acceptable, safe, wise, kind, or honest in relationships, in society. It’s a continual opportunity for a parent to remind a teen of who she is, how valuable she is as a person, and to emphasize respect and propriety. MySpace is an excellent relationship teacher.
Above all else, your child must know that you are not judgmental of her friends and their choices. MySpace is a rewarding pasttime for a teen who just wants a presence…anywhere.
You may think that your teenager’s life just isn’t really “real” yet. Well, here’s news — in case you can’t remember what it was like to be a teenager — It is real to them, and should also be to you. They have the same frustrations and needs to vent as we do. They have the same drive to create and should be allowed to express themselves in writing and building an image that they feel mirrors who they are…or want to become. They need the chance to broaden their social circles and find their niche.
So it’s very easy to be the parent here. Just be there. Don’t be afraid to be an imposition to your child or to even anger them. Make sure that your child’s site is set to ”private” if he is under age 18. Screen his site from time to time. Make sure it’s free of profanity and vulgarity. Have him delete offensive comments. Remind your teen that whatever is posted today could come back to haunt her tomorrow, whether it be through images or written words. (Regrettably, many kids don’t have the capacity to consider consequences that could arise someday in submitting a college application or interviewing for a job.) Make sure that your teen’s site — profile content and photos — are appropriate. Ensure that no personal information is listed that could leave them open to predators. Watch to see what new friends appear, as it could show you where your child is headed. Ask your kid questions. It’s just that easy.
And here is the doozie — the Mother of All Impositions of Parent on the Child, sure to produce animosity and, in some cases, extreme loathing — know all of your child’s passwords, especially MySpace password and email address passwords. Be open and honest with them that, while it is their own personal site, you will randomly check it. Explain to your child that, in the event that anything is inaccessible to you, her MySpace site will be shut down and the computer off limits. It’s a trust issue — but the parent has to be realistic in her expectations and not abuse the situation.
Above all else, remember that your child is not an angel, but a teenager. Allow them some ample roaming distance and some chances to grow up and make their own judgments. However, set clear boundaries, lines that must not be crossed — for example, with regard to romantic relationships, alcohol/drug use, driving, sneaking out, meanness, and bullying.
To make it short, the development of your child’s social life is going to happen whether you’re there or not. First, be the parent and, second, the confidante. It comes down to three simple words — “Give a damn.” There are too many parents out there who just don’t.
Interesting survey: click here