Dear NIKE iD

Thank you for the time and energy you have spent on my request. I have decided to order the shoes with a different iD, but I would like to make one small request. Could you please send me a color snapshot of the ten-year-old Vietnamese girl who makes my shoes?

Thanks,
XXXXXXXX

The United States Postal Service's attempt to improve customer service: remove all clocks from its facilities. This improvement, according to USPS officials, is ostensibly part of a "retail standardization program," launched last year to give the nation's 37,000 post offices a more uniform appearance.

Officials hope that without clocks customers will be less fixated on how long they've been standing in line.

"We want people to focus on postal service and not the clock," said a Postal Service spokesman.

Also caught:

In Wisconsin last week, a 7-year-old girl called 911 to report that her grandfather was cheating at cards.

Police have decided not to charge either party.

I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the way our world is made. No individual or nation can stand out boasting of being independent. We are interdependent.
--Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

where i've been lately...

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Atthepub 7.5 , and Softball 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User

Dear Sexist Pig:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a "utilities and Entertainment" program. Wife 1.0 is an operating system and is designed by its creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Please review your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." It recommends that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as "Clean and Sweep 3.0" , "Cook It 1.5" and "Do Bills 4.2."

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program "Nag Nag 9.5". Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend "Flowers 2.1" and "Diamonds 5.0!"

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install "Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3" . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support

if we could reduce the world’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this:

60 Asians, 12 Europeans, 5 Americans and Canadians, 8 Latin Americans, 14 Africans
49 would be female
51 would be male
82 would be non-white
18 white
89 heterosexual
11 homosexual
33 would be Christian
67 would be non-Christian
5 would control 32% of the entire world’s wealth, and all of them would be US citizens
80 would live in substandard housing
24 would not have any electricity
67 would be unable to read
1 would have a college education
50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation
33 would be without access to a safe water supply
1 would have HIV
1 near death
2 would be near birth
7 people would have access to the Internet

to my TAOGO readers, Happy Thanksgiving!

--cdb

Unless steps are taken to protect them, all species of wild seafood will disappear within 50 years, according to a new study. Stanford biologists, part of an international team of researchers, conclude in the November 3 issue of Science that the loss of marine biodiversity worldwide is profoundly reducing the ocean's ability to produce seafood, resist diseases, filter pollutants and rebound from stresses such as climate change and over-fishing.

Santorum said that a Democratic win could be "a disaster for the future of the world."

Our Duty to Our Flag

Less hate and greed
Is what we need
And more of service true;
More men to love
The flag above
And keep it first in view.

Less boast and brag
About the flag,
More faith in what it means;
More heads erect,
More self-respect,
Less talk of war machines.

The time to fight
To keep it bright
Is not along the way,
Nor 'cross the foam,
But here at home
Within ourselves -- today.

'Tis we must love
That flag above
With all our might and main;
For from our hands,
Not distant lands,
Shall come dishonor's stain.

If that flag be
Dishonored, we
Have done it, not the foe;
If it shall fall
We first of all
Shall be to strike a blow.

Edgar A. Guest (1881-1959)